Saturday, 16 July 2011

Fear is your friend

When I was younger, me and my mother used to listen to Bob Marley's No Woman No Cry in the car, during the summer, on our way down to visit our friends in the southern parts of Sweden. The phrase "my fear is my only courage" always struck a chord with me. I could feel on an intuitive level that it was something to it, but I was not able to logically discern what it was.

Today, I am at another level of consciousness and I am able to make reason out of it. I have been wanting to write this article for months, but I have not got round to it. I think that way too many people let fear stand in their way from success, from diving into experiences, opening up to new and fresh possibilities and making the most of what is possible.

Frankly, I have been having some problems with this myself lately. I have had tendencies and patterns rooted in fear coming up and blocking me from taking the action that I desire to take. And I know that it is very common phenomena. David Deida talks about this on a video series called Spirit, Sex and Love. He says that opening as love is effortless, because ultimately love is who you are, but there are always rubber-bands of fear coming back that you have to counter-act.

However, I believe that there are many levels to fear, and when you dig deep into yourself on your journey towards self-mastery, you are inevitably going to face that fear. But, do most people even start this journey? The vague feeling of discomfort that awaits in an unseen future, can block you from even opening the first door, entering new territory and exploring the unknown for the sake of the exploration itself.

You never know what it is coming. You never know exactly what is going to manifest, no matter how crystal clear your vision is. You do not know what is waiting for you behind the doors of insecurity and fear, but you know that something is. And you know that in order to find out, you must take that first step, make the commitment, create a vision and roll with it. There is an intuitive feeling that kicks in before you start to explore new parts of the unknown, but there is also a feeling of fear. Sometimes that fear is a feeling of uncomfortable closure, sometimes it is more of a nervous tingling sensation. Whatever texture, the fear is a good sign.

I have been doing cold – approach pick-up for two years (approaching random girls on the street, at the bar, or in the club) and I am not sure exactly how I felt when I started out, but I know that I struggled with fear for a period of time. However, after having a major breakthrough in November last year I started to feel more and more comfortable talking to new people, taking social initiative, being physical with girls right off the bat, making out with girls that I had just met, and so on.

I remember one night at the club, when I had my major breakthrough, I really let go, stopped monitoring myself and behaved in the way that I had secretly been wanting to do for years. What a feeling. As I continued to expand my comfort zone in this area of my life I eventually hit a plateau where I did not really experience that much fear, or nervousness, anymore. Then there was some cases when the girl I wanted to talk to was smoken hot, relaxed in her feminine self and more outgoing than I was, that I felt fear once again. I can feel it slightly now as I think about it.

One time, at the subway, I saw this one girl leave the train. She was in my age, had brown hair, a tight body and a face of a goddess. I stared at her for a moment, soaking in feminine essence and thinking to myself "this is the type of girl I got into this game for". After we both left the train, I was walking fifteen meters behind her when I could no longer resist. "Hey!", she turned around. "Do you have smoke?" (This was at the time when I dishonored my asthma). We started talking briefly and after a few moments I leaned in and kissed her, she kissed back. We exchanged numbers and a few weeks later we met and some very cool things happened.

Before I approached her I felt a feeling of fear, but as we started talking that feeling turned into excitement, which ultimately lead me to do what I did. Behind the feeling of fear was a strong feeling of desire, and as I stayed focused on that feeling, instead of letting the fear take over as negative thought processes in my mind (what if she has a boyfriend or what if she is going to slap me) I was able to take initiative without hesitation.

I had an intuitive feeling that she was going to respond well, and it did not matter that I felt a slight clench of fear because I acted from that place of "already knowing that this is going to go the way I want to". Is it not like this in all areas of our lives? When we feel fear, we have a choice to focus on what is behind the fear. Do we feel lust? Courageousness? Desire?

Fear is our friend, because it shows us where we yet have the ability to develop ourselves. And as we transcend our fear, or transform it to a lighter feeling of excitement or joy, great things can happen. Great things will happen. But we just have to take that first step, make a firm decision and roll with it.

I advice you to take a look at an area in your life that you desire to change, and write down exactly what you desire. Be specific, and hold nothing back, also focus on how it feels when you are writing. If you feel fear, feel into the fear – embrace it. And you will eventually have resolved the fear. Read through your vision every day before you take action and you will see your desired outcomes to manifest in reality within months, or even weeks.